The Mice of the Abandoned House

The mice scurried freely around the old abandon house. Many years had passed without a single human sharing their space. So imagine their surprise when the two large boots moved slowly across the warped floor boards. Their instinct to hide sent the mice darting for safety. Each mouse lay quietly behind the baseboards, watching the two large boots scuff through the dust filled room. The brown boots stirred the dust across the floor. Like an ocean wave crashing into the shore, a barrage of dust filled the protective cubby holes. As though on fire, each mouse burst from behind the wall, scattering for fresh air. The boots, at first intimidating, became comical as they lifted from the floor and flittered from the house like a ballerina. Tree Rabold This Short, short story was inspired by the Writing Essential Prompt: Short Short Stories

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17 thoughts on “The Mice of the Abandoned House

    1. treerabold Post author

      Thank you Helen….I always hope the reader can “see” what is in my head!! I’m glad it worked for you.
      I just started reading your post about learning photography….I’m sure it will be informative….I’ll share my thoughts shortly.

      Reply
      1. Helen C

        Tree, I think this is a fun children book (with illustration.) I can see the mice and boots clearly. I wonder about the title though. If it’s me, I probably will go with something like “The Mice and the Boots”. Just a thought. I know we don’t do constructive feedback, but I really like the story, so I am willing to risk. If you want to keep this title, you may be able to add more story about the mice. Helen

      2. treerabold Post author

        I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts about my story. I am open to suggestions and constructive feedback. The title I chose had more to do with the prompt (old abandon house) and making it fit for that.
        Thank you Helen!!
        Tree

  1. Mabel Kwong

    This was a great read. Can definitely sense the fear in the mice, you do have a way with creating imagery with words. As Helen C, I can see this text in a children’s book. It’s a bit of a serious story, and at the same time light-hearted too. Looking forward to more stories from you 🙂

    Reply

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