Maybe Tomorrow

Her arthritic fingers gripped the arm of the recliner. She slowly lifted herself out of the chair and toward the window.
Her heart beat just a bit faster with excitement.
Was that her son’s car she heard?
Oh how she hoped it was him.
Is it a blue Chrysler? No, its a red Ford.
She slumped back into the recliner.
She stared at the light reflecting through the window. The brightness was misleading, the temperatures were dropping. Frost formed on the window pain.
“I’m sure the roads are getting bad, maybe he will come tomorrow.”
Maybe Tomorrow, a result of the Friday Fictioneer’s photo prompt.
flowers-with-ice-janet-webb-2
Copyright Janet Webb
Advertisements

29 thoughts on “Maybe Tomorrow

  1. wildbilbo

    Ouch.
    It’s heading inexorably towards Christmas, I’m feeling slightly guilty about not calling my parents, not visiting my grandmother, and then I read this…
    This hurts – really well written.

    Now if you will excuse me, I have to make some phone calls…
    KT

    Reply
    1. treerabold Post author

      That is so true Joanne. I work with many people (Developmental disability, mental illness and elderly) that are left behind during the holiday season (and throughout the year) it is heartbreaking that families do not understand how hurtful this is.

      Reply
  2. rochellewisoff

    Dear Tree,

    I believe a welcome to Friday Fictioneers is in order. I feel it only fair to warn you that once you start it’s very hard to stop. Sort of like eating one Lay’s potato chip. 😉

    Your story took me from hope to lonely despair in one swell foop. Poignant and well written. I look forward to reading more from you.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Reply
    1. treerabold Post author

      Rochelle,
      Thank you for the welcome and kind words!!
      I look forward to joining such a creative bunch of folks….I happen to love Lay’s ptato chips!!
      Tree

      Reply
  3. dmmacilroy

    Dear Tree,

    Everyone is being very nice to you so that you’ll come back. Me, I’m the guy that will tell you that spellcheck is not your friend. It’s not able to tell that you probably meant window ‘pane’ as opposed to ‘pain’. You don’t need the two words ‘with excitement’ in your third sentence. Let the reader figure it out. They will. Even the sentence, ‘oh how she hoped it was him’ is unnecessary. 86 it and you have seven more words to use to tug at our heart strings toward the end. You’re spoon feeding us. The old ‘show, don’t tell’ saw is one you ought to investigate.

    Those are some of the items that caught my attention on the first reading, Tree. The good news, and there is plenty, is that the seeds of good writing are scattered throughout your story, but you’re going to have to water them and tend them as time goes on. One thing you can do to avail yourself of the plethora of good advice and constructive criticism from the many good authors that participate in Friday Fictioneers is to say at the outset that you welcome same. Or not. I’m gambling here in the hopes that you’re okay with it.

    And another thing..an old tradition on my part…I always say, “Welcome to the party, pal” to newcomers. I hope you’ll stick around. I’d love to read more of your work. Let me know if I’ve trodden too heavily on your toes on your first foray here. I’ll back off. Lord knows it’s easier to say, ‘Great job. Nice story.’ But it ain’t always so, just so you know.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Reply
    1. treerabold Post author

      Doug,
      I welcome constructive criticism. I appreciate you and others taking the time to read my words and share thoughts and opinions. Its really the only way i know to improve.
      Thank you for the welcome and the advice. I look forward to reading your work and meeting other writers.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s